Tips on dealing with aggression in children

• Feeling angry and upset at times is natural and acceptable, so let your child know this.



• Acknowledge their feelings, but set limits: "I know you feel angry, but I don’t want to see any hitting; biting; shouting or swearing."



• Watch for triggers. Are there particular events that set your child off? If you start to see when, you can sometimes work out why.



• If children see problems solved with raised voices or fists, they learn to follow suit. If you want to stop a child being violent, you may first have to address what is happening around them.



• Learn how to defuse an angry situation. Lower your voice instead of shouting and look them in the eye.



• Talk with and listen to your child when they’re calm. Look at why they might be feeling bad before looking at what they may do to control their behaviour.



• You can’t wave a magic wand and vanish away a child’s unhappy feelings. What you can do is help them learn how to manage what they do about them. So encourage them to say, "I feel angry/left out/put down", instead of hitting out.



• Get help for yourself. Children are often upset when they see their family having problems. You can ring Parentline Plus, free, on tel: 0808 800 2222 or ask your own GP for someone to talk to or visit www.relate.org.uk.



• It isn’t easy loving or showing affection for a child who is being hurtful. But they need to be shown that they are acceptable. Separate who they are from what they do by saying, "I love you and always will, but I don’t love what you’re doing."



• Be positive and praise them when they do well. Blaming, shaming, or punishing children can make them feel worse about themselves and so even more aggressive.



• Coping with a potentially violent child is very challenging and no parent should expect to have to do this alone.